I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
