i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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