I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize