Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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