first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
