he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
