I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
