did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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