I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
