My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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