MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bring me that man meat
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
