In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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