Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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