Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
