hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
