he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
