i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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