I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
