So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
