I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
