I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
