the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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