This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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