evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize