I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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