I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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