so explain again why im purple
no
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its about making memories worth repressing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
