Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
