I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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