i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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