This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
