Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
