He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
