An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
