My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
