I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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