doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
