I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
