Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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