4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
