I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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