Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this boner is exhausting
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
