forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's the barista slut.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
