sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize