Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
