Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize