Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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