ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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