I need help removing her.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
