Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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