No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
