Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
