How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
