If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
