im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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