Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
