So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
