i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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