nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
