I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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