under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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