didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
where are my eyebrows?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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