My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
