I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
