So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
