White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
