moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
