I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
