I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
