i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
